


Autumn Leaves

by impulseobrien



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:11:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14133906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impulseobrien/pseuds/impulseobrien
Summary: since you went away, the days grow long,and soon I'll hear the old winter song.but I miss you most of all my darling,when autumn leaves start to fall|| Autumn Leaves by Nat King Cole ||





	Autumn Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is purley based on a dream that I had.
> 
> It was so vividly real, that I had to write it down, and this was the result.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy it, please let me know your thoughts.
> 
> This is my first ever one shot to write, and I'm very nervous about posting it.
> 
> I worked so hard on it, and spent countless hours perfecting it to the best of my ability.
> 
> It is 4,585 words that I poured my actual heart and soul into.
> 
> Okay, I'm done rambling about the one shot now lmao.
> 
> Please don't forget to let me know your comments!
> 
> Follow me on twitter too, if you want.
> 
> twitter.com/softlysangster

It had been a week since Thomas and his friends made it to the Safe Haven. Seven days since they took down the people who had left each and everyone of them scarred. Not only physically, but emotionally scarred.

One week since Thomas lost everything to him.

Thomas felt as if he was living his life from a distance. It was as if he was watching his life pass by from a different person's eyes. He knew he needed to try and be happy, like Newt asked him in his letter, but he just couldn't do it. Not whenever Newt was gone.

"Hey, shank. Time for dinner." Minho grinned at him as he brought in a tray for Thomas.

Thomas hadn't eaten in days, not properly, anyway. He couldn't let Minho know that, though. He would worry too much.

Thomas smiled thankfully at his friend and picked up the piece of bread that was on the tray. He slowly took a small bite, watching as Minho eyed him carefully. He continued to eat the bread. Only half, though. Never once touching the bowl of soup next to the bread on the tray.

"Thanks, Minho. It's really good." Thomas shot him a fake grin. He really hoped Minho could not see right through him.

Minho sighed, his smile dropping. He knew Thomas wasn't going to eat the rest of his dinner like he had hoped he would.

"Thomas," Minho said. Thomas could hear the disappointment in his best friend's voice.

"I'm sorry."  Is all Thomas could think to say. He knew that Minho wanted him to be happy, he told him so many times since last week. It was like everyone thought that they knew what was best for Thomas. He just wanted to grieve in his own way.

Thomas felt Newt's presence all around him. When he was with the other gladers, he felt Newt there with them. No matter where Thomas turned, where he went, there was a piece of Newt everywhere. He swore he even saw him a few times. It was like he was living the best dream, but also his worst nightmare.

Not having his best friend with him was hell, he missed him more than anyone knew. He missed his smile, his laugh, and his voice. Thomas just missed Newt in general.

"I know you miss him. You think we don't miss him just as much?" Minho replied sternly, clearly offended. Thomas was taken aback by comment.

"It's different with me, Minho. You know that." Thomas countered.

There was an eerie silence that filled the air around them. Thomas felt hot. His breath was short and choppy as he tried to calm himself down. He was angry, and he was unsure as to why. He knew Minho meant well, but he just didn't understand.

Minho sighed softly. He shook his head and looked towards the ground.

"Shank, you have to understand this isn't healthy." He finally replied looking up at Thomas.

He was right, and Thomas knew that. He wanted to scream until his lungs burst. He just wanted to be happy. He knew he should be happy, but he wasn't. How could he be whenever the one person in the world he wanted to share his happiness with was no longer with him?

"I know, Minho. I just, I miss him." His voice cracked as tears threatened to fall from his already red and puffy eyes.

Minho gave Thomas a sad smile, walking towards his friend. Without having to ask, Minho pulled Thomas into a hug and just held onto him.

Thomas let his friend comfort him, not moving from his grip on him. He let his body go limp into Minho's hug as he let go of the pent-up emotions he had been trying so hard to keep bottled inside.

Thomas didn't like to cry. Not in front of people, anyway. He did his best to maintain a strong exterior for his friends, but it was taking a toll on his mental health.

"It's alright, Thomas." Minho consoled the other boy.

Thomas pulled away from the hug, wiping his nose off on the sleeve of his jacket. He scrunched his nose at how gross that was.

"Thank you, Minho." He offered the Asian boy a small, yet grateful smile.

Minho returned the sentiment with a nod towards Thomas.

"You know we're all here for you, Shank. Even Gally." Minho teased.

Thomas and Gally still didn't get along. There was still resentment that Thomas held towards the other boy. Without Newt there reminding him that it wasn't Gally that day, Thomas still couldn't get over the fact that he was the reason another Glader had lost their life too soon.

"Right, thanks." Thomas chuckled softly.

Minho turned his back to Thomas and left him alone to his thoughts.

Thomas sat down on the edge of his bed, sighing deeply. He wanted to do what Minho asked, he really did. He just could not bring himself to put his happiness first. Especially not whenever Newt did not make it out of the last city.

"Tommy."

Thomas's head shot up. The voice was strained and barely audible. Almost as if Thomas was underwater and the voice was coming from the surface.

He stood up, looking around the room for the source of the voice.

Nobody called him Tommy other than Newt. Everyone knew that was a nickname reserved only for Newt. There wasn't one person who even tried to call Thomas that.

"Hello?" Thomas' voice was laced in confusion. He had no idea where the voice came from or who it belonged to.

He walked out of the room, finding his friends sitting around a bon fire. He slowly made his way towards them.

"Hey, Greenie." Gally's voice rang in Thomas' ears.

He didn't reply, Thomas just looked at the boy next to him. It was hard not to punch him again, but he knew that it would not do any good, nor would it solve anything that had happened in the past.

Suddenly, Thomas remembered what brought him outside into the crisp Autumn air.

"Gally," His voice was strained, not knowing how to articulate his thoughts into a proper question.

"Yes?" Gally asked. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he wondered what Thomas was going to say next.

"You didn't, um, nobody called me, did they?" Thomas' eyes searched the crowd of kids in front of the two boys, while Gally's eyes searched Thomas.

"No. Hey, is everything alright, Thomas?"

Thomas waved his comment off and brushed past him, ignoring Gally calling his name as he walked towards the others.

"Minho," Thomas tapped him on the shoulder causing his friend to turn around, smiling at him.

"Hey! Feeling better?" Minho's smile was radiant.

Thomas felt his breath hitch in his throat. This was everything he had ever wanted for him. After everything that his friend had been through, all the torture, all the pain, he was finally happy. Thomas couldn't find it in him to worry Minho even more about him.

"Yeah, man. I'm feeling great." Thomas lied with the fakest smiled plastered on his face.

Minho couldn't tell, because his smile didn't falter, if anything, Thomas witnessed it get bigger.

"That's great, Thomas!"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go on a walk, if you need me." Thomas replied absentmindedly.

He watched as Minho's face slightly faltered, only for a split second, because it was almost instantly that Minho nodded at Thomas, that smile right back on his face.

As Thomas retreated from the camp site that had been set up, he began to think of Newt. His heart ached for him and his presence.

"Tommy." Thomas heard the voice again. This time, it was closer.

The nickname. The voice.

It was  _Newt_.

Thomas eyes scanned the area frantically. He couldn't see anything right away.

Then, he saw it. He saw  _him._

"Newt?" His voice was weak and unsteady. He knew he had to be imagining it, but he just wanted to believe he was there with him.

The blonde boy smiled at him. Thomas could feel his heart beating so rapidly in his chest, he feared it would burst.

"Newt?" He called out again. Only this time, he let his feet carry his body towards his friend.

The other boy didn't reply, he remained perfectly still, as if he was waiting for Thomas to reach him.

"We haven't got all bloody day, Tommy." Newt laughed.

Thomas didn't understand what he meant, clearly this wasn't really happening and he was just imagining Newt being there, but he sped up his walking all the same.

Just as he was nearly there, someone called out for him.

"Thomas, what the hell are you doing?" Gally's voice echoed.

Thomas turned to face Gally for a split second, and held up his hand, indicating for him to give him a minute.

When he turned back to look at Newt, the boy was gone. Thomas felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest.

"What, Gally?" Annoyance dripped from Thomas' voice.

Gally opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the right words to say. He was clearly shocked by Thomas' tone, but wasn't surprised.

"I just wanted to see if you were doing okay, is all." Gally shrugged.

"Oh yeah, I'm doing grand." Thomas replied sarcastically.

Gally searched his face, not sure what he was hoping to find.

"Right." Gally sighed. "Well, whenever you're ready to come back, Minho saved you some food."

Thomas nodded curtly, and hoped he would just give up and leave him alone.

"You know, if you want to talk-"

"I don't. I don't need to talk. Especially not to you." Thomas snapped before Gally could even finish his sentence.

Gally cleared his throat and nodded. He offered Thomas a soft smile.

"Alright, Greenie. I'll uh, just be on my way then."

Gally began to walk away and Thomas got the overwhelming feeling of regret. He knew Gally meant well, but he just couldn't bring himself to be friendly to him. Not right now.

Thomas thought about what Newt had told him. How it wasn't Gally who had killed Chuck. It was the virus that had warped Gally's brain.

"Gally, wait." Thomas' voice was soft, yet the other boy heard him. Thomas watched as Gally stopped in his tracks to turn and look at him.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I just, I miss him." Thomas repeated the same words he had told Minho earlier. The fact that he missed Newt more than anything was the one thing he was sure of lately.

Gally's face softened as his lips twitched into a smile.

"I know you do, shank. There was always something different with the two of you, wasn't there?" The amusement that came along with Gally's comment made Thomas roll his eyes.

"Since the beginning, I suppose." Thomas agreed with him. Regardless if the pair got along or not, Gally knew. He was probably the only one who  _truly_  knew.

"You know he felt the same, Thomas." Gally's voice was a hushed whisper. He knew there was nobody around, but Thomas still appreciated the fact that he lowered his voice.

"I know. I just, never really told him." Thomas' voice cracked as he spoke. He never told anyone how he felt about Newt other than Gally. And even that was an accident.

Thomas never meant to tell anyone about his feelings. He was fine with just suffering in silence, never telling anyone that his feelings might have been more romantic than platonic.

It was when Newt revealed to Thomas that he had the flare that Thomas let it slip. To Gally of all people.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**_Thomas paced back and forth, not knowing what to think. Newt had just told him that he wasn't immune, he had caught the flare._ **

**_"DAMN IT." Thomas punched the wall as hard as he could, ignoring the searing pain that shot up his arm._ **

**_The noises caused Gally to look for the source of the commotion._ **

**_He entered the room Thomas was in just as Thomas punched the wall again._ **

**_"Hey, hey, hey! Thomas! Stop!" Gally rushed toward the other boy, wrapping his arms around him in an attempt to calm him._ **

**_"Let me go, Gally, I swear to God!" Thomas thrashed in the taller boys grip, as he attempted to get out of it._ **

**_"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you." Gally retorted. He loosened his grip slightly._ **

**_Thomas stopped moving about and let his posture drop._ **

**_"You gonna tell me what's up with you and why you were punching my wall?" Even though Gally wanted to be amused by Thomas' behavior, he knew that there was something wrong._ **

**_"It's Newt," Thomas' breath hitched in his throat. He didn't want to tell Newt's secret, but he couldn't keep it bottled in. "The flare, it, it caught up to him."_ **

**_Thomas began to sob._ **

**_Gally didn't know how to respond. He had never seen Thomas as upset as he was. Against his better judgement, Gally tightened his grip on Thomas and hugged him._ **

**_"How, um, how do you know?"_ **

**_"He told me, obviously." Thomas scoffed. How the hell else would he know?_ **

**_"Oh, right." Gally didn't say anything about Thomas' hurtful tone. He was upset, and Gally wanted him to be able to grieve in any way he needed._ **

**_"I can't lose him, Gal. I love him." The words slipped easily off of Thomas' tongue before he registered what was being said._ **

**_"I know, Greenie. We all do." Gally told him._ **

**_That's, that's not what Thomas meant. It's different for him. Newt and him, they're different._ **

**_"No Gally, it's different than everyone else. I love him." Thomas emphasized, he didn't know how else to describe his emotional state at the current moment._ **

**_Thomas watched as Gally pulled back slightly, his eyes wide._ **

**_"Wait, you mean," the other didn't have to finish his question. Thomas already knew what he wanted to say._ **

**_"I think so, yeah." He admitted._ **

**_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_ **

Thomas smiled at the memory, although it wasn't a very happy one, it reminded Thomas of whenever he finally told someone the one thing he had been holding onto since he had left the maze.

"Thomas. It doesn't matter if you two never spoke to each other in your lives, the way you two were around each other, that was enough to prove everything." Gally assured him.

Thomas was grateful for Gally's words. Although there was still a small part of him that did not want to ever forgive Gally, Newt's voice was always in the back of his mind.

"Thanks, Gally." Thomas truly was grateful for Gally's conversation. He didn't have to stop and help Thomas through his emotional distress, but he did anyway.

Gally let out a small chuckle. He rolled his eyes at Thomas.

"Don't mention it, Greenie. You deserve to be happy too." Gally repeated the words from Newt's letter. It made Thomas' heart ache.

Thomas' lips twitched unintentionally into a half smile as he remembered Newt's words. Even when he was gone, he still made Thomas feel like he was important.

"So did he, though." Thomas replied, his voice breaking.

"Thomas, you have to stop being so sad. I know you loved him, I know he didn't deserve the ending he got. But you don't deserve to torture yourself like this. It isn't right." Gally sounded just like Newt. Thomas wondered if he'd spoken to him before he died.

"You sound just like him." Thomas chuckled softly.

"I know, right? Little weird. But, you should know," Gally inhaled deeply before continuing. "I talked to him. After I found you punching the hell out of my wall." Gally gave Thomas a look, he wasn't sure if it was amusement or sadness. Or maybe it was both.

"You what? You did? What did he say?" Thomas searched for the right question to ask, not knowing which one was best suited for Gally's comment.

"Basically what I just told you. That you don't need to be a twat after he was gone, and make sure you continue to live your life. Those are his words, not mine. So don't attack the messenger" Gally put his hands up defensively, as if he really thought Thomas would be offended.

It sounded like Newt, honestly. He would always put the people he loved before himself and his own feelings. Newt was the best kind of person.

Thomas hated referring to him in past tense, but Gally was right. Newt would not want him to just survive each day. He would want him to live his life and fall in love again.

The realization hit Thomas like a ton of bricks. It took him so long to love admit his feelings for his friend, it was too late by the time he had. He loved him so much, and he lost him before he got the chance to tell him.

"Yeah. Thanks, Gally." Thomas told him, again. He really did appreciate the other boy coming to check on him, even if he didn't know how to express his emotions properly.

"Anytime, Greenie. You want to head back?" Gally asked him inquisitively.

Thomas nodded and looked back one last time where he had previously seen Newt.

As he looked, he saw him again. He smiled at Thomas and gave him an encouraging smile. Silently telling him to go back with Gally.

Thomas inhaled a shaky breath, and smiled sadly. He turned back to Gally and nodded at him.

"Let's go."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As the two boys made it back to the others, Thomas felt different than he had in a long time. He didn't know if it was good or bad.

He knew that he had to change, not only for himself, but for Newt. He didn't want to disappoint him, he had already let him down by not being able to save him.

"Hey, Shank." Minho greeted him with that same radiant smile he had when Thomas left.

"Hey, Minho." Thomas tried to match his expression, but couldn't.

"Where'd you wander off to?" Minho's asked him, intrigued. Thomas knew why he was curious. He wanted to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, which is a nice thought, his friend caring about him.

"Just took a walk. Gally found me before I got too lost." Thomas answered. He didn't want to tell the other boy about seeing Newt. That would make him think Thomas was crazy.

"Oh, cool. Find anything interesting?"

Thomas let his eyes travel behind his friend. There was something in the distance that he could hardly make out. As he fixed his eyes on the shadow, he realized what it was.

 ** _Newt_**.

Thomas really didn't want to be bothered with conversation at that moment. All he wanted to do was to go to Newt.

"Um, not really. Hey, Minho, can you give me a second?" Thomas didn't wait for his reply though, he just brushed past him and walked towards Newt.

The blonde boy smiled cheerfully at Thomas. Thomas almost cried right then and there. He missed Newt.

He didn't know why he was seeing him when he knew he wasn't really there. It might have been his subconscious trying to communicate with him, but he was unsure.

Just as Thomas reached his lost love, Newt disappeared.

Thomas began to frantically look in front and behind him. His eyes searching for any trace of Newt. He knew he wouldn't find anything, though.

Defeated, Thomas just wanted to sleep. He had no reason to stay awake. He knew he wanted to promise Gally he would change, for Newt, but it was becoming more difficult when the one person he needed the most, was gone.

As he slowly trudged back to his tent, Thomas never took his eyes from the ground. He watched his feet move one in front of the other, right until he was met with another pair of feet in front of him.

Thomas' slowly allowed his gaze to travel up to meet the eyes of the person standing in front of him.

Gally. Of course it was.

"Greenie, are you nuts?" Wait, what?

"Wh-what?" Thomas had confusion laced in his question.

"What were you staring at, just now? There was nothing there, yet you looked like you were searching for something." Gally informed him.

Thomas hadn't realized anyone saw him.

"I just, thought I had seen something." Thomas lied. He didn't think he saw anything. He knew what he had seen.

"Right." Gally replied shortly, not convinced by Thomas' answer.

"I'm just headed to bed. I'm exhausted."

That was the first tre statement Thomas had said in a long time.

Gally said nothing, he just watched as Thomas moved away from him and into his tent.

As soon as Thomas reached his bed, he collapsed onto it.

Exhausted, Thomas let his eyes shut as he thought about Newt.

It was almost instantly that he fell into a deep sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sounds of crickets chirping filled Thomas' ears. 

He looked around. What the hell?

Thomas was back in the Maze. Well, on top of it.

"Hey, Tommy." A voice said from beside him.

Thomas quickly looked down to see Newt sitting on the edge of the Maze wall.

"Newt." He breathed out.

The other boy looked the same. Thomas wasn't sure why he had thought he would look any different.

"Bloody weird being back here, innit?" Newt smiled at Thomas as he sat down next to him.

Thomas couldn't find the words to say to his friend. He just stared at him in awe. Not wanting to look away, scared that if he did, Newt would vanish again.

"Stop moping around like someone died, mate." Newt laughed at him.

Thomas stared at him blankly.

"Someone did die, Newt.  _You_  died." Thomas said dryly.

The realization of what Newt had just said hit him, which caused him to give Thomas a soft and sad smile.

"Yeah, but you don't need to be so sad about it all the time, babe." Newt threw out the nickname like it was something he had been calling Thomas since they met.

Thomas felt his heart flutter at the term of endearment. He had so many questions for Newt, but he wasn't sure how much time he had with him.

Newt noticed Thomas' hesitation, so he decided to speak again.

"I love you, you know? With everything I had, I loved you, Tommy. 'Spose I was just too chicken shit to ever tell you before." Newt admitted as Thomas noticed the tears form in his eyes.

Thomas let out a watery chuckle and nodded at Newt's comment.

"I did too." Is all Thomas could manage to croak out.

Newt took Thomas' hand in his own and let out a breathy chuckle.

"Then stop feeling sorry for me, mate. Go out and actually live your life. I'm okay. I'm not in pain anymore, you know? I'm at peace."

Thomas couldn't think of how to reply to Newt. He just felt sad.

Thomas looked down. When he noticed how far from the ground the walls were, he let out a quiet and trembling gasp.

"Bit scary, innit?" Newt asked, biting his lip.

"Can't believe I survived this, but keeled over from the damn flare." He finished, letting out a watery laugh. 

"That's not funny, Newt." Thomas felt a sharp pain shoot up his spine, remembering the first night Newt told thomas about his suicide attempt.

"I know, but it's true." Newt shrugged.

Thomas didn't reply. Just looked straight ahead, staring at the Glade. The only home he had ever remembered.

"So, there's a reason im here though, in your dream." Newt finally disclosed to Thomas.

"Hmm?" Thomas didn't look at Newt, but he wanted him to know he was listening.

"You need to stop just surviving, Tommy. You need to live. You deserve to be happy. You're out. Please don't put your life on pause because of someone like me." Newt's voice had a somber undertone.

Thomas could barely think. he had Newt right in front of him and he didn't want to wake up. He looked at Newt, then to the ground, then finally back to newt.

"I could honestly just end it right now and be fine, if that meant I could stay here with you." Thomas was crying now  

Newt's head snapped towards Thomas.

"Don't you bloody say that, Thomas.  _Never_  say that." Newt retaliated.

Newt was crying too. Thomas felt as if all the air had been sucked from his body and he was gasping to regain it all.

"It's the truth." He replied, shrugging his shoulders carelessly.

Newt shook his head.

"We can't stay here forever, Tommy. You know that." Newt sighed sorrowfully.

Thomas knew that, he just didn't want to think of leaving Newt again.

"Please, just remember what I wrote you. I know you read my letter. Every word of it was true. You deserve to be happy." Newt said as he finally stood up.

When he saw him stand, Thomas knew he was about to wake up from this dream.

However, Thomas didn't want to wake up. He didn't want the treacherous reality that Newt was really gone to sink in again. It crushed him.

Being here with Newt, that's where he wanted to be.

"Go and live your life Tommy. I love you far too much to see you unhappy." Newt smiled and stepped closer to Thomas.

Thomas exhaled unsteadily, but nodded at Newt.

"I love you too, Newt. so much." His voice broke from the tears that were spilling from his eyes.

Newt lifted his hands to Thomas' face. He let his thumb run over Thomas' cheek, wiping away the tears that fell.

"Then go. I love you, Tommy." Newt leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Thomas' cheek.

Afterward, his eyes travelled down to Thomas' lips.

Thomas wasn't going to let this moment get away from him, even if it were a dream.

Thomas pulled Newt's face to his and kissed his lips softly. 

As they both pulled back, Thomas raised his hand to his lips and slowly let his fingers travel over them.

"Newt." Thomas began. 

"I know." Newt nodded and winked at Thomas.

Thomas rolled his eyes and smiled at his love.

"I'll miss you." Thomas told Newt.

Newt nodded at him.

"I know, but promise me, you'll continue to thrive in life." Newt's voice was serious.

Thomas knew he needed to promise him. It was important.

"I'll try, Newt. I really will." He nodded.

Newt finally smiled at him and nodded, too.

"I know you will. I love you." Newt replied.

"I love you, too. Always." Is the last thing Thomas said to Newt before the scenery changed.

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

Thomas' eyes shot open. He was back in his room at the Safe Haven and the crushing reality set in.

Newt wasn't there. Thomas knew he had to stay strong for him, though, it was the promised he had made to Newt.

Thomas slowly sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the side to stand.

He walked outside and let the soft sunlight hit his face. He breathed in.

Though he knew it would be one of the most difficult things he would ever have to do, he had to be strong for Newt. He deserved that much.

As Thomas walked along the edge of the beach, there was hope for the future in his heart. 

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHHHHHH, HELLO.
> 
> I cannot believe I actually finished this thing.
> 
> I really do hope you liked it, please, let me know your thoughts!
> 
> I appreciate every comment and kudos left on my work.
> 
> I love you guys


End file.
